Tuesday, October 15, 2013

I Suppose It's Just As Well

It's been three years now that I've been bawling my eyes out to the same album. I saw The Head And The Heart perform at Sasquatch Music Festival in May of 2011 and I had no idea who they were, but I knew I would never forget it. Their self-titled first album has played in the background of every great event of the past three years of my life, and every time I listen to it, I hear something new. This is true of about four albums. Maybe eventually I'll tell you about the rest, but that honestly feels almost like taking off all of my clothes and showing you all of my dirty laundry. (I mean that literally, I sweat a lot and one of my greatest insecurities is my dirty laundry. I worry that people can smell it when they come in to my room.) Anyway, The Head and the Heart's new album is officially out today (even though technically speaking it was released early on Rolling Stone's website a few weeks ago....). Go give it a listen. I've already listened several times through and I will be the first to admit it will take a few hundred more listenings before it's even close to as meaningful as the first album, but I LOVE it. Because that meaning isn't lacking from these new songs, it's just waiting to be assigned. Just as each lyric in each song of their first album eventually became associated with specific places and times and people... this album will find it's own place. I am sure of it.

Wow. Okay, I didn't mean for this to become just an endorsement of music everybody already knows is good. Here's where I was going with this...

On Sunday night, I dropped my sister off at the bus stop and right as her door shut, this song started playing. And the lump in my throat I'd tried to swallow as I watched my sister wrestle an unnecessary amount of luggage out of the car became full-on sobbing, right on cue. I stopped crying very suddenly when I realized I was merging on to a bridge and couldn't see anything and my crying might kill me. What had felt like uncontrollable sadness was suddenly overcome by my desire to be alive, and I dried right up. And since that moment, I've felt a little bit better. I mean, I've been feeling better, I really have, but that moment especially turned me up a few more notches. Like, hello Debbie, even your body and mind know things aren't as bad as they feel sometimes. My head has gotten its priorities figured out, my heart's taking some time to catch up.

I've been thinking about the way things change. 


While Katy was here, we took a little trip to Nature. You guys, I keep finding myself standing in the middle of the park blocks, chin in the air, looking at the perfect gradient of trees from yellow to orange to red. My phone is full of quintessential fall pictures of my boots standing in piles of leaves. What's happening to me? I still won't fuck with pumpkin flavored shit, though. Autumn, you may NOT have that piece of my black, shriveled, bitter soul. 

I had such a swell time with my friends and sister in Nature. It happens every time I make it out of the city to a place where I can breathe. It's life-giving, it truly is, to run around and duck under branches and trip on rocks and poke things with sticks. Shoutout to my iPhone for taking these totally fire naturepix. I took a lot of "unimpressed with Nature" selfies, which I think is maybe the funniest thing ever. The caption to this one is, "No wifi?!?!?!?!?!"


  1. you are hilarious and you are my soul sister and you are one of my favorite people and you are one of my best friends and you are the best person in the world.